Hurt, sadness & betrayal...

Wow, what a month April has been. I will be very happy to see May first. As I said in my last post April is a month of acceptance, well, with that still being true as I am trying desperately to heal and move forward from losing at love, I am faced with a new challenge. I am dealing with a situation at work that has just about done me in. I feel so completely weak. I don't know who to trust and it has left me feeling so very alone. It also makes me feel sad, really sad. I have tried my hardest to create a fun, productive & positive work environment at my store. I work very hard and work very long hours. Although this is not the job of my dreams I do the best I am able. One of my associates, who chose to remain anonymous, put in a complaint about me saying many things that are not true. This hurts me to the core. Because I don't know who it is makes it even worse. I walk around my store "pretending" everything is fine because that is what I was directed to do. Meanwhile, every employee I walk past leaves me wondering..."was it you?" Of course I have my educated guesses about who it may be, I don't know if I will every know for sure. I need my job right now, so walking out is not an option although it is what I want to do more than anything. Logistically I was trying to hang tight to this job for at least another 6 months to accomplish what I am trying to with my finances. But this makes me wonder if its worth it. The hardest part of it all is being alone. Although I normally like having a quiet home to come home to after work, this week I would love to have a partner to come home to, cry to and talk to about this horrible situation. Someone who truly knows my heart. I am left to deal with this as best as I can. In addition this weekend is my "goodbye visit" to the cabin. I am looking forward to getting away, especially after all that has happened at work this week, but pulling out of that driveway when the weekend is done is going to be extremely emotional for me. I will deal and move forward as best as I can, and try to keep my head held high in the process. Thanks for all your love and support my dear blogging friends, I appreciate it.

For the love of nature...

I got this link from a friend of mine and found it to be fascinating! For those of you who and appreciate nature, I am sure you will find it quite amazing as well. These folks are so lucky to have been able to witness this diplay of nature....enjoy!

http://community-2.webtv.net/Velpics/HUM/

These are some roses from my garden I thought I would share. I love that I am getting enough blooms this year to actually bring some in the house to enjoy.

April is a month of acceptance...

April is turning out to be bitter sweet for many reasons. A month of acceptance, a month of changes and challanges for me. I have accepted an offer on my cabin. We are still in the inspection period so I am not allowing myself to 100% accept it, because it could still change but it looks solid so far. It is scheduled to close at the end of the month. Again, another bitter sweet goodbye. For those who really know me and even for those who just know me through my blog can tell how special that place is to me. I am going to go back up for one last weekend, a "goodbye" visit so to speak. It will be tough but it is all part of my overall financial plan. Aleviating this payment will help me so much on a month to month basis.

I have had some time over the past few days to enjoy the weather and be outside a lot. This is when I am happiest. I have done some yard work so my yard is looking much better and much more enjoyable to be in. On tuesday I went for a drive. I was feeling very trapped in town and needed to get some air and get out of "stucco land" so I headed east towards Canyon Lake. I found a beautiful spot to rest and admire natures spplendor in this display of wildflowers. I instantly felt my body relax. Here are some pictures from my travels...

The sweetest of love stories...the saddest of goodbyes...

My fantastic but short relationship with John has come to an end. It is extremely bitter sweet. The love was strong, true, passionate, sensitive, loving, kind, gently and oh so sweet. And to be honest, it still is. The love is not gone for me, not sure it ever will be. The relationship ended because our lives were moving in different directions. As he says..."Our paths crossed but did not parallel". It was a good ending, as good as an ending can possibly be. I miss him very much and feel very sad. I am not yet at a point where I can go a day without some tears. I know at some point I will be, just not yet. We are both very grateful for the wonderful time we had together and feel we are better people because of it. I know that is definitely true for me, I am a better woman because of this love I got to be part of. He taught me how to love again, how to be open and willing to give and receive true love. He is an amazing man and I am so thankful I got to spend 4 months of my life with him. Thank you John for loving me like no man ever has.

True North

Well I found these tasty little treats at Target yesterday. True North. Okay so why am I blogging about them???? It's because there was a wonderful little message on the back of the bag that caught my attention...it reads..."When a strong passion guides your life, it becomes your true north. Find your true north." How true is that???? It inspired me to find my true north.

After doing some research on line trying to find a website to link for these goodies I found that they are actually made by Frito-Lay. So if you like nuts and are trying to eat healthy snacks try these out, they are so good.

Find your True North!

I'm back...

Well I am back from my trips and got stuck with a nasty head cold as a welcome home gift. My cruise was great! We started our drive on thursday morning, and drove to Newport beach. It was a little out of our way but so worth it! I felt like a little girl again. As soon as I saw the beach I kicked off my shoes and started running. I couldn't wait to get my toes in the sand again. It was about 6 pm so we still had a bit of daylight before the sun set. We stayed in Newport for dinner then headed to our hotel. It was so worth it to see the sun set over the gorgeous pacific ocean....absolutly breathtaking. The next day we boarded the ship and set sail. It was a blast. there was so much to do. the weather didnt totally coooperate but we still had a good time. I had so much fun and am really glad I went. Everyone got along so well. My roomate Cami and I got along awesome.

Now I am back home and trying desperatly to get back into a grove that does not overwhelm me. Work has been very stressful lately and that doesn't ever seem to end. I knew that when I got back into retail but I guess I allowed part of me to forget it. I dream of having a career that I am passionate about. I want to make a difference. I really hope some day I can find that. I know for now I need to do what I am doing and pay off my bills so I can have that simpler life I so desire. Sometimes I feel that in my quest to find simplicity things have gotten more complicated. My days off seem so full of "stuff" run here, do that, clean that, busy, busy, busy....

Then taking a few days off for fun leaves me so overwhelmed at all the things that did not get done, my to-do list still full of things to accomplish. I'm not sure if any of you out there feel that way. It seems to be a feeling that comes and goes with me but lately it is here and not "going" away. I know part of it is spring fever....it is so nice out all I want to do is play in my yard and enjoy my time off, spend time with my friends and loved ones. I want to know who decided that 2 days off a week was enough????? I hereby declare it is NOT!!!! But thats all I get, so I have to make the best of it and go about my business and hold onto my desire to have a simpler life.

Spring has sprung!

I always forget just how much I love this time of year until it rolls around again....and then I remember. I love being in my yard at this time of year with the warm (not hot) sun on my face, checking out all that was dormant over the winter, planting new goodies and enjoying my little piece of land. I just love it.

I was given the gift of lemons....lots of lemons. I love to cook with lemons, love them in my iced tea and love to make fresh squeezed lemonade with fresh peppermint from my garden. I also juiced and froze some for later use.

Well I set sail on Friday for this years birthday gift to myself. Yup, its that time of year again.....another year older...but am I another year wiser? I will be 34 this year. What will I accomplish this year? Will I continue to grow as a woman, friend, daughter, aunt, Christian woman? I sure hope so. In an effort to make sure I celebrated this year I booked a four day 3 night cruise to Ensenada Mexico about 6 months ago. I am so excited to get away and relax for a few days. I have never been on a cruise before and I know I will have a great time.

Life has overwhelmed me a bit in the past few weeks and I am feeling like there are just not enough hours in a day. I have been feeling 'tested' by many events and relationships in my personal life and it has left me feeling tired, really tired. I am realizing once again how much I rely on my faith to get me through tough times. I suppose this is one of those times. I am so grateful for my family and friends who help me...I truly feel they are little gifts from God to help me through the journey of life. I am only 34 years into it, hopefully....the best is yet to come!